the demoralization epidemic

you are not meant to do this alone 🤝

Lately, I’ve been thinking about how many of us are not just tired, but demoralized.

Not simply burnt out from doing too much, but hollowed out from feeling like it doesn’t matter.

We are not just overextended, we are underheld.

We face challenges that are too large for any one person to fix. And yet, we are told that if we can’t hold the weight alone, it must mean something is wrong with us.

This is the lie of individualism. The myth of self-sufficiency. The idea that we should be able to bootstrap our way through grief, injustice, and systemic collapse alone.

Demoralization is cultural. It’s a form of despair that grows in the absence of collective support.

It happens when we believe that asking for help is weakness.

When we stop believing that someone will catch us if we fall.

The process of re-moralization is about a different kind of strength. The strength to say: I need you. And the strength to answer: I’ve got you.

Here’s how demoralization happens:

1. The Challenge

First, you face a challenge. Maybe it’s a career setback, a relationship strain, or the steady drumbeat of environmental collapse.

You try to solve it, you pull yourself up by your bootstraps and rise to the occasion.

But the problem is bigger than you alone can handle.

It’s heavy, unyielding, and resistant to your best efforts.

The struggle leaves you feeling small, and maybe a little ashamed.

In a culture that prizes individualism and self-reliance, the inability to “power through” can feel like a personal failure.

You lose confidence, which only makes the problem feel harder to confront.

The spiral deepens.

2. The Outstretched Hand

At this point, you might reach out for help, but our culture teaches us to handle things alone.

To “push through” and not “be a burden.”

If you don’t get the support you need, the isolation and shame worsen.

You withdraw further, cutting yourself off from the very connections you need the most.

The problem grows, now magnified by the loneliness of facing it alone.

Soon, this leads to despair.

You feel like you’re up against not just a single obstacle, but a series of interconnected challenges that you have to face all by yourself.

You start to believe that no one can help.

Your struggle is uniquely yours and fundamentally unresolvable.

This is the heart of demoralization.

We are in a demoralization epidemic.

What are you thinking about after reading this? Feel free to leave a comment, I’d love to hear.

the way out

There is a way out.

A path toward what we might call remoralization.

Remoralization is about learning to live in a more connected, interdependent way.

It’s about recognizing that you were never meant to carry your burdens alone.

In nature, survival is not a solo endeavor.

Wolves hunt in packs.

Trees share nutrients through fungal networks.

Geese take turns leading their flocks on their long migrations.

Every element in these systems both gives and receives, finding strength in connection.

…

To remoralize ourselves, we must rediscover our most ancient, biological truth:

1. Get the help you need

You are not supposed to go through hard things alone.

You are supposed to have people who show up and help you - friends, family, therapists, communities.

2. Help in the ways that you can

Helping others is a powerful way to reconnect with your own agency.

When you help others, you are reminded that you are not helpless.

That you are capable.

That you matter.

Connection is the antidote.

Think of a tree in a forest. It draws nourishment from the soil, water from the rain, and light from the sun, but it also feeds the ecosystem around it, sharing resources through its roots and creating habitats for countless other creatures.

In isolation, the tree might not survive. But as part of a broader web of life, it becomes resilient, adaptable, and strong.

We are no different. We need each other.

We thrive in connection.

And when we choose to re-connect, to ask for help and offer it in return, we break the cycle of demoralization.

Remember: you were never supposed to do this alone. 🤍

I always welcome replies. If you want to share a thought, a question, or just say hi, feel free to message me. I write back when I can.

Further reading -

Living The Path

Mastering the Possimpible

Talking to Yourself (& Others!) About Climate Change